'Extraordinary'

“Basic principles: No woman wakes up saying:"[Man], I hope I don't get swept off my feet today." Now, she might say, "This is a really bad time for me." Or something like, "I just need some space." Or my personal favorite: "I'm really into my career right now." You believe that? Neither does she. You know why? Because she's lying to you, that's why.”

Did you catch the quote? It’s from the movie Hitch and it’s a good one. In fact, it’s so good that it and other quotes from the movie are probably going to be submitted to the general body of the Church for an addition to the Doctrine and Covenants. I’m pretty sure.

That, however, isn’t what this article is about. Instead I would like to focus on another equally important quote from the end of the movie. Cast your mind back and remember that at the end of the movie Will Smith goes chasing after the woman of his dreams only to find her more than a little reluctant to even speak to him. In her attempt to get rid of him she says:

“Maybe it's like what you said. We should just both go our separate ways and then we'll do just fine.”

He replies, “What if fine isn't good enough? What if I want extraordinary?”

His question offers a profound insight into human desire and evidences a basic yearning that is common to all people. All of us, at some time or another find ourselves saying, “What if fine isn't good enough? What if I don’t want to just have a ‘good job’ or to just be a ‘fine basketball player’? What if I want extraordinary?”

C.S. Lewis described this another way and evidenced the problem with our desire for the extraordinary:

Most people, if they had really learned to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and want acutely, something that cannot be had in this world. There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never quite keep their promise. The longings which arise in us when we first fall in love, or first think of some foreign country, or first take up some subject that excites us, are longings which no marriage, no travel, no learning, can really satisfy. I am not now speaking of what would be ordinarily called unsuccessful marriages, or holidays, or learned careers. I am speaking of the best possible ones. There was something we grasped at, in that first moment of longing, which just fades away in the reality. I think everyone knows what I mean. The wife may be a good wife, and the hotels and scenery may have been excellent, and chemistry may be a very interesting job: but something has evaded us. (Lewis, C. S. 113)


Understanding this, that we all want extraordinary, but that there is something that, as Lewis says, ‘just fades away in the reality,’ and ‘has evaded us,’ makes us wonder what it all means. Why do we want something more? What is that something? Is it possible to ever get it? And, if it’s not possible to get extraordinary now what should we do about it today?

C.S. Lewis answered several of these questions. He wrote:

‘Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger: well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim: Well there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire: well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. (Lewis, C. S. 113-4)


While this certainly answers the questions, “Why do want extraordinary? What is extraordinary? And is it possible to ever get extraordinary?” it still leaves us wondering if it’s not possible to get extraordinary now, no matter how bad we want it, what should we do about it today? Sadly, I think the reasoning mentioned above often prompts us to take a foolish course of action and ignore a far better path. Upon realizing that real, total, and complete happiness, the extraordinary, is not possible now we often give up even on the partial happiness we could be enjoying and settle for ‘just fine.’ For example, although this may surprise those of you that know me best, I love living in spotless living conditions. But, by now, aware of the reality that my room will never in this lifetime be truly ‘spotless’ I usually am ‘content’ to live in a room that besides not being spotless couldn’t even be considered somewhat neat or organized. The same is true for other people and other conditions. How many people, upon realizing they don’t have a ‘perfect relationship’ and aren’t going to have one any time soon, cease striving to have the best relationship possible and settle for mere convenient co-habitation? How many people, disappointed and disenchanted with their efforts to ‘get in the best shape of their lives!’ give up their New Years exercise program and even the hope of getting in ‘decent shape’? The classic example is the filthy child before bath time: “why do I have to take a bath?! I’m just going to get dirty again!”

The problem with this is we fail to realize that the path to extraordinary is indeed a path and requires treading. Just because we were made for ‘another world’ and that world is capable of satisfying our desires does not mean we will be satisfied when we get there. For example, nobody would enjoy playing basketball with a championship team unless they possessed the same skills and experience as the other players. They may enjoy watching the other players play, and may admire their expertise but as far as they are concerned they will feel awkward and will wish that they too could dribble, shoot and guard like their teammates.

The answer then is that to realize extraordinary tomorrow it is essential to work for more than ‘just fine’ today. While it is true that my room will never be truly spotless, working to get it neat and organized will teach me principles that will approach spotlessness. Also, having lived in neat and organized I will be far more likely to recognize spotless when I see it and enjoy extraordinary when I live in it. With this in mind we should look for the things we can be better in and start getting better at them. By doing so we’ll approach extraordinary far more quickly than those that contentedly settle for ‘just fine.’